We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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