the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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