Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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