I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
