we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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