His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
