i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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