you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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