pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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