Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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