I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
