hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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