At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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