WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
