u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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