We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
