well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
