Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
