I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
