Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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