I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
