The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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