the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
