I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
