Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
