The maid of honor just puked.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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