Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
