were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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