I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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