I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
