I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
