He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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