Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I want is dick and wine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
