ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
