how can u be prego again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
