You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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