Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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