Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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