i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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