I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
