drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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