I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
