Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
