just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
