It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you made out with another girl for some wings
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
