I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
