I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
