Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
