I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ladies don't puke and tell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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