We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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