you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize