dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize