I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
