Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
