He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
