Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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