He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
