best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
