Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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