So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
