The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
