First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
