My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i out mim tonsoeep
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