wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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