You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
