just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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