i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
