Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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