One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
