dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
