Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
