I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize