If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
