Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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