The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
